ResNet Review

August 2023

ResNet Review is the Energy Newsletter for the Shalennial Generation

Here’s our top Energy Headlines for the first half of August:

Petroleum Engineering isn’t Cool Anymore

  • Even as oil-and-gas companies post record profits, the industry is facing a worsening talent drought. Despite plentiful job openings with soaring salaries, young people are still not interested in oil and gas.

    • Wait, you mean 20 years of fear-mongering from celebrities, politicians, and mainstream media has deterred America’s youth from getting excited about oil and gas?

  • At U.S. colleges, the pool of new entrants for petroleum-engineering programs has shrunk to its smallest size since more than a decade ago. Oil-and-gas companies are pouring money into fellowships and other programs designed to cultivate a new generation of talent.

    • Have we considered a program where we take all of the unemployed environmental activists and train them to become petroleum engineers? Solve two problems at once. Oil and Gas companies need more petroleum engineers. Environmental Activists need jobs. Who loses?

  • Colleges have even tried relabeling their programs to increase enrollment. The University of Texas is working on adding a new master’s degree without the word “petroleum” to capture a broader group of students who still want to work in energy-related engineering

    • This is smart. Just leave it vague. Just tell them the degree involves “studying the exploration and extraction of an UNNAMED substance that is the feedstock for the entire modern world. Affordable access to it is often seen as the most significant factor in determining the quality of life and economic development of a society”... but DO NOT tell them you’re talking about “petroleum” because eww.

Lizzo, Singer and Environmentalist Hero, Gets Cancelled

  • Grammy-winning singer Lizzo has been sued by three of her former dancers over sexual harassment and hostile work environment allegations. Sadly, Lizzo was also a vocal advocate for the environmentalist movement as highlighted in Audacity’s 2019 feature.

    • Sad day. Disappointing to think this controversy may silence Lizzo’s thoughtful contributions to the environmental movement. In mourning of Lizzo’s cancellation, here’s some of our most cherished Lizzo quotes from the 2019 article.

  • “Saving the planet is no joke, you guys…We gotta take this s*** serious.”

    • A classic. So simple, so direct, so true.

  • “Everybody thinks that we’re killing the earth, but we’re not. The earth is older than us and she knows exactly what she’s doing. And she’s like, ‘Listen, y’all keep playing with me. Keep playing with me. I’ma get rid of all the cute animals that you like. The hot places gonna be cold, and the cold places gonna be hot. Keep playing with me.'”

    • A lot of brilliance to dissect here. Lizzo’s basically pointing out that the laws of nature don’t exist. Science is a construct. In reality, earth has a conscience. And earth’s conscience is vindictive. If you don’t do what the earth wants, it will kill your animals.

  • “I wish I could do more. I wish I could just bathe in a lake every morning. Or a river. A lake? That would be kind of weird.”

    • Same

  • “If I drop a piece of trash, it hurts my soul. The only thing I’ll throw out is a banana peel, because I feel like a banana peel grows into a banana tree.”

    • Isn’t it an odd coincidence that Lizzo is being canceled right as Oppenheimer plays in theaters? Two geniuses passing in the night. If only she had been alive back then maybe we would have built the bomb in time to use on the Nazis.

  • “I never throw [the banana peel] on concrete, I throw it on dirt. Like, it’s food for squirrels or something.”

    • All we know is if the virtue signalers keep making their cheap banana / Lizzo jokes… it won’t be long before Lizzo drops her next single:

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A Little About ResNet

ResNet AI Inc. is an oil and gas software company that specializes in operations surveillance and asset management software, as well as bespoke digital & reservoir services. Our mission is to Unite the Field & Office towards common corporate objectives. Our software and services are purpose-built for oil & gas applications, and if this newsletter isn’t testimony to that - then you should check out Tinder for the Oilfield, or WellTender, or as we Shalennials call it: Tender 🔥 - where you can swipe right, swipe left, and get the right guy to the right job at the right time 😎

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