ResNet Review is the Energy Newsletter for the Shalennial Generation
Here’s our top Energy Headlines for October:
NEW YORK TIMES OP-ED SETS NEW CEILING FOR STUPIDITY
Dr. Jeff Colgan, a political science director at Brown University, wrote an Op-Ed in the New York Times outlining how Exxon Mobil’s Pioneer Deal Is a Direct Threat to Democracy. Colgan outlined that “consolidation would undermine democracy in the United States, mislead investors and weaken market competition. It should be stopped for all our sakes.”
Immediately after publishing his op-ed, Colgan proceeded to break out the white paint, strap a big fake red nose to his face, put the oversized shoes on his feet and join the rest of the clowns at Brown University for their bi-weekly circle jerk.
Colgan explains in his article, “If Exxon were serious about preventing climate change, it could use its record $56 billion in net income from last year to invest more seriously in renewable energy, carbon capture and storage or other technologies that are compatible with long-term environmental sustainability.The Federal Trade Commission would surely allow Exxon to acquire a major solar company, for instance.”
Yes, let’s let the career-long academic with zero real-world business experience lecture Exxon executives on how they should stop making investments that yield the highest returns for shareholders.
Colgan continued, “Now it falls to the government to protect its people from corporate self-interest that’s detrimental to democracy and the global environment. This deal endangers the world, and it should be stopped.”
Saying one oil company buying a different oil company endangers the world has to qualify Dr. Colgan for the Hyperbole Olympics. While he may have to do it in Russian or Chinese, at least Colgan can brag to his grandkids one day that it was people like him who successfully fear mongered the public into the energy crisis that destroyed America.
Colgan’s article was met with much praise from environmental activist online with one user going one step further, suggesting “Exxon should be destroyed and all the executives past and present jailed for crimes against humanity.”
Reports indicate that after this op-ed was published, Colgan and his fans proceeded to continue their pursuit of doing literally nothing to create tangible solutions for the problems they purport to care so passionately about (while XOM deploys $17B in lower emission initiatives that actually matter)
FAILURE TO RIP CIGS CAUSING HIGH GAS PRICES
WSJ is reporting that weakening demand for tobacco sales, a historically lucrative profit center for retail gas stations, is causing an even higher increase in gasoline prices to make up for lost profit.
Another example of everything your parents and teachers told you was a lie. You thought you were being healthy by quitting cigs and throwing out the Copenhagen, but really you were just causing inflation. Shame on you and please start smoking immediately so we can get below $4/gallon.
Cigarette sales have plunged this year. British American Tobacco says its U.S. sales volume declined 12.4% in the first half of the year from a year earlier.The owner of the Circle K chain of convenience stores said on a September earnings call that there were “significant headwinds” in cigarette sales
As further proof that the Oil & Gas industry is the only industry actually addressing America’s problems, reports have shown that a staggering 87% of all tobacco in the United States is sold from gas stations in and around Midland, Texas.
Smokes aren’t the only culprit: Casey’s General Stores, which has a large pizza business, saw lower margins from prepared foods in its last fiscal year because of higher ingredient costs, notably cheese.
After reading this article it’s safe to assume that anyone not smoking cigs and eating gas station pizza is a communist and should be treated as such.
Best of EFT
This wind project, one of the largest in the world which took 6 years to build, has the same effect from a co2 reduction perspective (-1.8 million tons per year) as replacing 1 coal plant with 1 natural gas plant (-2.5 million tons per year).
— NextWave EFT (@NextWaveEFT)
Oct 11, 2023
ExxonMobil growth strategy
— Rory Johnston (@Rory_Johnston)
Oct 6, 2023
Talk is cheap.
In 2023, the US handed out 4x more degrees in social sciences + history than it did in Engineering.
It should be no surprise the world is full of Climate Awareness Advocates, but short the Engineers to fix the problem.
— NextWave EFT (@NextWaveEFT)
Oct 9, 2023
*walks into board meeting*
Let's call it "Chess"
— Nice Quarter Guys (@NiceQuarterGuys)
Oct 23, 2023
keeps it real - lots of great questions but the toughest one: “what would you think about your peers combining to overtake EQT as America’s largest producer”… check it out.
— Toby Z. Rice (@Shalennial)
Oct 26, 2023
How does something as obvious as this make it through a diligence review of a $10 billion sale?
In 2010, $COG (Now $CTRA) agreed to a consent order where, due to environmental issues, they could no longer drill in Dimock township without fulfilling certain obligations (can… twitter.com/i/web/status/1…
— NextWave EFT (@NextWaveEFT)
Oct 10, 2023
Need a girl who cheers like this when I index the dataroom
— Overheard on Wall Street (@OHWallStreet)
Oct 4, 2023
Mineral bros fighting over 3 nma in Martin County owned by a recent widow that lives in the Midwest.
— Aubrey___K (@Aubrey___K)
Oct 5, 2023
AI Generated Image for the Well Name of the Month Goes To…
Belmont County, OH
First Production Date:
A Little About ResNet
ResNet AI Inc. is an oil and gas software company that specializes in operations surveillance and asset management software, as well as bespoke digital & reservoir services. Our mission is to Unite the Field & Office towards common corporate objectives. Our software and services are purpose-built for oil & gas applications, and if this newsletter isn’t testimony to that - then you should check out Tinder for the Oilfield, or WellTender, or as we Shalennials call it: Tender 🔥 - where you can swipe right, swipe left, and get the right guy to the right job at the right time 😎
Interested to Learn More?
Check out the link below for our latest Monthly Feature Release
Thoughts on ResNet Review?
Let us know how we're doing!